Unbelievable

How did I fool myself into this one. These past few months have been nothing more than me falling blindly into something nonexistent. I thought this time would be different. But why. When the one thing that has been holding me back before had an even tighter grip on me this time. Why did I believe him when he said he wouldn't hurt me. Some part of me knew it was inevitable. I feel like giving up, calling it quits. This happens every time, why would next time be any different.

I think that communication is essential in a healthy relationship. So tell me how I was wrong to tell you how I felt. To tell you that I felt unwanted, uncared for. You got angry and defensive, but why. If you truly cared for me then you would have taken what I said into consideration. But instead you gave up, said you "couldn't ride this one out". You got mad when I told you that I would be okay. You got mad when I told you that I was sad. You're still mad, and you have convinced yourself that I called you a shitty boyfriend. You're as dumb as all the rest, you know, your friends that you call fake. Well, you're the most fake one of all. I hate that I fell for your act. If you think I'm mad at you, then you can't even imagine how angry I am with myself. Never again. Ever.

Oh, and don't worry. I won't "fall into a hole and die". I'm too smart for that to happen, its you I'm worried about. Jackass.

To someone who is actually worth my time:
>>>>>I feel like I have amends to make with you. Even though you probably would never expect me to apologize to you. You just aren't demanding like that. You're understanding, caring, funny, hardworking. Even if I never have a chance with you, I'd still be happy just to know that I was your friend. How unfair it has been to other guys. No matter who it was, they were never you. And that is why I'm here right now. After months and months. I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere. Take your time.